


Spies Like Us

by TeamAlphaQ



Category: South Park
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Bebe 'Valkyrie' Stevens, Clyde 'Casanova' Donovan, Craig 'Nova' Tucker, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I needed an excuse to write about them all wearing suits, M/M, Secret Identity, Spies & Secret Agents, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tweek 'Muse' Tweak, spy AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 23:03:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13305225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamAlphaQ/pseuds/TeamAlphaQ
Summary: Spy AU. When a tip comes in that the sudden improvements to the Korean Missile program might not be as kosher as they first appear, the US government decides that something has to be done. Of course, you can’t just ask a country like Korea if you can look at their books, so the methods that need to be used to pick this apart are naturally going to be a little more… interesting.Cue Clyde Donovan, or as he’s better known, Agent Casanova, the most classy and definitely the most qualified secret agent on the force. Can he single-handedly save the day with his good looks and impeccable charm?Okay, maybe not, but with the help of several other Agents and the ever-beautiful Bebe Stevens to lead them, he’s got a pretty good shot at it.





	Spies Like Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mianewarcher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mianewarcher/gifts), [Treesftw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treesftw/gifts).



> Q: Well darlings, I did say I'd do _something_ if you drew Bebe and Clyde talking together and I'd like to think this is carrying through on that promise. For me, this started when Treesftw mentioned the idea of a Secret Agent AU and I couldn't get it out of my head. Added to that, Mianewarcher requested some BebexClyde, so I decided to give the people what they want.
> 
> Of course, I couldn't have done it without Telesthesia, who is amazing and wonderful in every way~ I'll be helping her as we embark on this ridiculous journey. Before we start, I would just like to say: N o R e g r e t s
> 
> Enjoy~

_Craig is a gay guy. A very gay guy. Tweek's pretty gay too. The end_

“Clyde? Clyde~” Looking up from the arm of the chair that he’d been scratching with his pocket knife, Clyde fixed his eyes on Wendy, who sighed and rolled her eyes. “Really? This is a matter of national security, can you pay attention?”

Sighing, Clyde let his head fall back and stared at the ceiling. “But Bebe already told me all this stuff, why do I have to hear it again?” It was so much easier to pay attention to Bebe, after all. What with her dazzling smiles and warm mocha eyes, he could probably listen to her for hours. Wendy, on the other hand, she was a little bit too stern to be interesting. Watching as the woman got up and walked around the table so she could look at what he’d been writing, Clyde continued, “It’s simple. Break in, break out, look cool while doing it. It’ll be a breeze!”

With a shake of the head, Wendy put a hand on Clyde’s shoulder and squeezed a bit to get his attention. “Would you be serious for a second, please? Things aren’t so simple. Also, we all know that’s true so why write it?” She gave him a small smirk before going back to her serious expression. “This is North Korea we’re talking about, they aren’t something that we can be messing with.”

Absently, Clyde turned his head and looked out of the grimy window at the streets of Tokyo, with its smog-filled streets and ever-glowing skyline in the dusk. Furrowing his brows, following Wendy’s command to take things seriously for a moment, Clyde muttered, “I don’t see why we’re doing this, the evidence Agent Nova dug up is spotty at best. What if it turns out to be nothing?”

Wendy furrowed her brows, pinching her eyebrows together as she gathered herself. She impatiently straightened out her dark crimson suit top as she did. “We can’t just ignore this, _Agent Casanova_.” Clyde frowned a tad when she said his amazing title in such a rude way. She continued, “We have to take all measures to follow our leads to the end. We can’t just give up because the evidence isn’t spot on.”

Though he could have said any number of things about the already shaky relationship between the US and North Korea, he also knew that Wendy knew ten times as much about the subject as he did. Usually, he wouldn’t have let them send him in on a deniable mission like this, but Bebe had asked for him personally.

Even though it seemed like he would be the last choice for a mission like this, there just so happened to be a group of US officials heading into North Korea for diplomatic reasons. Clyde was the most sociable and likable of all the Agents, so he’d been chosen to go instead of someone like Kenny, or Craig. That was his way in.

Past that, well, all he had to do was prove that something fishy was going on and he was golden. _Talk about a mission where I want them to be wrong about this._ It was never a good thing when you had a birdy saying that Korea’s missile program suddenly had large amounts of mysterious funds flooding into it. Even worse when they picked you to be the one who went in and figured out _why_ it was happening in the first place.

Seemingly satisfied that he was paying sufficient attention, Wendy tapped her pencil against Clyde’s _insightful_ carving in his chair arm before walking back around to her side of the desk. Pulling out and setting several different briefcases on the table, the woman opened each one, turning them so Clyde could look at their contents. “You know why you’re going there, I hope I don’t have to go over _that_ part of the briefing packet again with you.”

Looking over the typical wardrobe that had been issued him, Clyde waved his open pocket knife around absently as he said, “Yep, I’m the son of one of the Emissaries, I’m there to see the sights or something. Very peaceful, very normal, I have no business being in most of the buildings I’m going to be in. Per the usual.”

Wendy, arms folded over her chest nodded and seeming content with that response. At least enough not to dispute it. She was often tight-lipped on her views on how orders were seen by her fellow agents and how they planned to carry out the work placed on them.

“Agent Valkyrie will be your offshore aid, just like always.” Tapping the brand-new ear-piece that had been set in foam in one of the cases, Wendy fixed him with an unimpressed look and added, “This time, no flirting on the government’s dime, please?” When Clyde rolled his eyes, she huffed and said, “I’m serious, you know how big a deal this is. Don’t fuck it up.”

“I won’t, I won’t,” Clyde assured her, plucking the ear-piece out of its case and fitting it into his ear. Glancing sideways at the dusty mirror hanging up on the wall, he let out a soft whistle at how invisible it looked. _Probably just the crappy lighting in here._ That being said, he had to admit, Butters had outdone himself this time. It was amazing how this tech just kept getting smaller and smaller. Touching the device, Clyde listened for the static and found, predictably, none.

“You know the drill Clyde,” Wendy said, leaning over the cases so she could look over the man. “They catch you, we drop you. All records, all contact, everything, gone. You’ll be on your own. We can’t have this blowing up in our faces. If you end up looking down the barrel of a gun by the end of us, you better start praying to god because he’s more likely to come and save you than we are.”

The black haired women brushed her long locks over her shoulders and looked at him seriously. “I’m not telling you not to try and escape. If you do get caught, fight like hell to stay alive. But we won’t be able to do anything for you from there,” she said evenly. “And stay the hell away from the organization. But that’s common knowledge to a captured agent, right?”

“Yeah, I know.” Clyde bit his lip and frowned at the floor. He knew exactly why she was telling him _this,_ instead of telling him any number of other things that might have been useful. It was because of Bebe. Even though he’d known that it was a bad idea to get involved with someone who was in the same business as him, he’d gone and done it anyway. Now, well, if he was compromised, he couldn’t go to the woman for help. Not if he wanted to keep everything as airtight as possible. It sucked, but so did this mission.

Offering him something that might have been a smile once upon a time, Wendy took a deep breath and said, “That being said, I know you’re more than capable, Agent. You’ve been with this organization longer than most. If you were going to flake out, you’d have done it a long time ago.” Though it didn’t feel like much, coming from Wendy, this was nothing short of glowing praise.

Clyde could feel his signature grin pulling at his lips like an old friend, as he shrugged easily. “Of course. You know I’m determined to make my mark, after all.”

“Many other Agents have burned out because they had similar ambitions,” Wendy commented, though she didn’t seem as irritated as her words might have suggested. Flipping Clyde’s cases closed, Wendy commented, “You’ll get these tomorrow after we’ve got them past the border. For now, I’d get as much sleep as you can Agent Casanova. You’ve got an early morning tomorrow.” Knowing badly concealed orders when he heard them, Clyde flipped his pocket knife closed and got to his feet.

Reaching out a hand, he shook Wendy’s much smaller hand warmly before saying, “Of course Agent Sunshine, it was a pleasure, as ever.” She scoffed and rolled her eyes, but he was already turning around and walking out of the office, a slight saunter to his step. For all his misgivings, this was going to be a piece of cake, probably. There were always a few bumps to be had, but he knew he had enough zeal to pull through.

As he walked down the flights of stairs that would take him to the ground level, Clyde tapped on his ear-piece and muttered, “Heyo, anyone up?” When there was nothing, he sucked in his cheeks before looking at the gray ceiling and saying, “Testing, testing, one two three. Tweek and Craig are hella gay. Token wants to kill me for using official comms lines for messing around. Bebe is-”

In his pocket, Clyde’s phone vibrated. Turning off his earpiece, Clyde picked up his phone and said, “Donovan speaking?”

 _“What has Token told you about using your comms to talk to us for fun?”_ At the sound of Bebe’s gently reproachful voice, Clyde bit the side of his lip and grinned happily. _Mission accomplished._

“Oh hey, baby~” he cracked, a small smirk in his visibly teasing tone. “Can’t I just say what’s on my mind? It was like nobody was there.”

 _“I currently have both Agents Nova and Muse asking if we can throw you off of the plane you’ll be on tomorrow.”_ Even though she sounded exasperated, Clyde was good enough to spot the smile in Bebe’s voice. _“Scratch that. Just Nova.”_ Cackling at those words, Clyde pictured his fellow Agent flipping him off before pushing open the door at the base of the stairs.

“Aww, what? Is Craig still in denial??” Grinning, Clyde strolled through the reception area of the office building and raised a hand to the receptionists behind the desk. “No worries, I’m sure that Tweek’ll change that pretty quickly.”

 _“You’re horrible,”_ Bebe informed Clyde.

“And you love it,” he answered back cheekily.

As he pushed his way out the large glass doors of the office building, the bright streetlights and signs practically bombarded his doe-brown eyes as they adjusted to the darkness. Looking through the streets, Clyde pointed himself in the direction of the hotel he was staying at as life flowed past him in all directions. From the phone, Bebe asked, _“So, feeling more confident now, Casanova?”_

Clyde couldn’t help the warmth that spread in his chest and bled into his stomach as she said his codename with such a warmth to it. “I think so. Even more than before.” he gave a small chuckle.

From the ear-piece that he was pretty sure he’d turned off, the voice of Token came through. _“Okay, if we’re talking about the mission, you two_ will _use secure lines.”_

Sighing, Clyde asked, at about the same time as Bebe, “Are we not allowed to have a private conversation?” It was weird because he could hear it through both his earpiece and through his phone. Wincing at the sound, Clyde quickly followed up with, “Relax Toke, we’re just chatting.”

 _“JESUS THAT WAS NOT CHATTING TH-THAT WAS FLIRTING!!!”_ Tweek accused from over the comms link, his volume more than making up for the apparent distance between him and the microphone. _That definitely just fried Token’s ears._

 _“And you and Nova are much better,”_ Bebe playfully shot back, which earned them all a scream from Tweek. _That’s my girl._ Grinning from ear to ear, Clyde looked around at the people around him as Bebe continued, _“If it’s such a big deal, I can take this outside.”_

 _“Nooo, don’t do that~!”_ a familiar voice insisted from Clyde’s earpiece. _“This is live entertainment! I live for this kind of thing.”_ The smirk in the voice all but gave them away.

 _“Kenny, how the hell did you get on this line?”_ Token asked, sounding mildly peeved.

 _“Relax, Butterscotch just let me in through the back door,”_ The man told them, sounding very pleased with himself. _“Seriously though, go on, I am_ all _ears.”_ Rolling his eyes, Clyde plucked his earpiece out of his ear and slipped it into the pocket of his suit.

“So, having fun I see,” Clyde commented. Bebe let out a little laugh at that, no doubt wise as to what he’d done with his earpiece. “What a shame I’m not there, I love it when the gang's all together.” Looking up at the skyline, he absently continued, “It’s been a while since we’ve all been in the same place, at the same time huh, Beb?” He didn’t mean to sound melancholic, but it happened regardless.

 _“Yeah, it has been,”_ Bebe admitted, and Clyde could just see her tugging at one of her curls like she always did when something was bothering her. Clyde gave a small smile to himself at the thought. _Same old Bebe._ A moment later, the girl heaved a sigh. _“But you know how it is, we didn’t choose this job because of the excellent social life.”_ She laughed, though it sounded sad.

“Come on, Baby. We’ll all be together again in no time. That’s why I’m at least glad it’s me taking on this part of the uh... The job?” He pursed his lips in thought. It was difficult talking about their line of work on an unsecured line. Token had drilled that into their heads hundreds of times. “You know what I mean.” He grinned a bit brighter now, for the blonde on the other end was laughing at his awkward attempts at working around the issue.

 _“Sometimes I wish I’d never taken those promotions,”_ Bebe said breezily, though Clyde knew how much was buried beneath that simple statement. Brushing it off like it really was nothing, Bebe hurried to continue, _“I’m glad you’re out there too, I know we don’t get a lot of recognition for what we do, but you know how much it means to Space Boy that you were willing to go off of the tip he got.”_

“Yeah,” Clyde agreed, looking at the old pavement before glancing in the reflection of the window he was passing. An old habit, one that would probably never die, no matter where in life he was. “He’s such a dork, but you know how he is. Teacup and he are like brothers to me! If I couldn’t trust them, where would I be?”

 _“Dead,”_ Bebe said, deadly serious, before giggling. As it quickly turned into one of Bebe’s adorably full belly laughs that she denied even having, Clyde found himself chuckling right along with it. _“Seriously though Clyde, don’t do anything stupid. It’s a big world out there, and I’m stuck on a fishing trip.”_ He knew it was referencing the converted fishing trawler Bebe was currently stationed at and the fact that she couldn’t leave it, but it still made him remember simpler times in his life when that sentence might have meant exactly what it sounded like. It amazed him how fast time had slipped by without him even realizing.

“I won’t do anything _too_ stupid. Hopefully. But maybe I can meet you afterward on that trip," he teased warmly into the receiver, his confidence returning.

 _“If you can get you-know-who to give you permission to sail with us, then I_ will _make it up to you.”_ At those words, Clyde grinned, even though he knew he shouldn’t. _“But you know what Kenny always says, don’t rush perfection. Do your job first, have fun later.”_

Waving his hand dismissively, even though he couldn’t see her, Clyde said, “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing. And leave it to me to get past him. He’s no match for my impeccable charm and sense of humor.”

Bebe couldn’t help another warm laugh from her end that absolutely oozed a bubbly vibe. _“Oh no, we’re doomed.”_

Gasping, Clyde pressed a hand against his heart and let out an injured sound. “Baby, that hurt! _Hurt_ I say.” Clyde knew it was a joke, but it sort of sucked that everyone made the exact same one. When Bebe blew him a kiss though, his expression turned back to a grudging smile. _There’s no getting mad at a goddess like her,_ he thought happily. “Trust me, I’ll make him come ‘round.”

 _“Well then, Mr. Donovan,”_ Bebe said, her voice mockingly official. _“I expect to see you around soon. Don’t you disappoint me!”_ She said it a bit more seriously than she probably intended.

“No ma’am,” Clyde said fervently, nodding. “Your wish is my command.”

 _“Talk tomorrow then?”_ Bebe asked, her tone innocent even though Clyde knew the conversations they’d be having tomorrow would be decidedly more top-secret.

“Yep,” Clyde confirmed, his eyes picking out random people from the crowds around him before fixing once again on the horizon. “Talk tomorrow Beb.” As the connection cut and his phone screen flashed back to the homepage, Clyde let out a sigh. Slipping the device back inside his coat where it belonged, Clyde stuffed his hands into the pockets of his suit pants and continued on towards the hotel. He looked around him, seeing businessmen heading every which way, groups of teenagers walking together and laughing, all kinds of people.

Sometimes he wondered what it would have been like if he took a normal job. If he’d gone from being one of those laughing teens to a serious businessman like most people did. Maybe he’d have met a nice girl from his hometown and settled down there, or maybe he’d have ended up behind a desk all day, doing paperwork and taking calls so that he could go home at the end of the day and relax. Hell, maybe he’d’ve died, just like he probably should have all those years ago.

But he was here instead. In the middle of the Toshima district of Tokyo, headed to North Korea the next day to see if possibly something was going horribly wrong. It was more exciting, to say the least, but Clyde hardly pretended that it was normal or even what he’d always wanted from his life. He mostly carried through with wherever his whims took him since he was younger but since getting older, not much had changed besides having to narrowly follow instructions and keep up that usual shining charm he always knew he had.

All in all, it was a good life. Much better than he deserved, and, as his thoughts traveled back to Bebe, probably a lot more than he could have ever dreamed of. It was a good thing he’d stuck by Token, otherwise, he’d never have ended up with such wonderful friends. Job or not, he liked the family he’d created for himself, however non-existent any blood relation between them was. _Things like blood don’t matter anyway, right?_

That’s what he was going with. Hopefully, someday, he’d be able to have a real family. Until then, he’d be satisfied with this.

 

**Author's Note:**

> T: Howdy, Everyone! I am a pal of Q and we'll be crafting this adventure together! I so, so look forward to writing for you all and speaking with you if you'd like to leave us a comment and some feedback!  
> Again, Thank's so much for reading the incredible TeamAlphaQ and I's story! 
> 
> We had fun doing this! (✿ヘᴥヘ)


End file.
